hello, blue Monday

February 7, 2011 at 8:07pmAnother installment in the continuing saga of my messed up health issues.  Enjoy.

I knew my hemoglobin level was down.  And when I can tell that it is down, it means it's very much down.  Since the bleeding has been greatly reduced by the medication (well, most days... ok, some days... ok, it's better than before almost all the time, but before was so horrendous that "better" is a relative term)... and since my incision seems to be healing up nicely (except for that one spot... oh and that other place... and well, maybe one more tiny issue - but for the most part, nicely healing), I figured things would be taking care of themselves - not as much bleeding, not as bad on the hemoglobin front.  Makes logical sense.  Since when does my body make any sort of logical sense? Yeah. Never.

So, the nurse took one look at me and the little frown started at the corners of her mouth.  Uh oh.
"Are you taking your iron?"
"Yes"
"Like you're supposed to?"
"Yes.  Well, I'm out of the Ferrex, but I'm back to taking the otc stuff."
"Mmm Hmm. Every day?"
"Yes."
"Well, it's low. Very low."
"Tell me I'm not going to have to be transfused again."
"We'll get this taken care of."
"Without more needles stuck in me and little bags of blood?"
"We'll get this taken care of.  It should have started going up by now."
"I'd really like a solution that doesn't involve another transfusion."
"We'll get this taken care of."
*nurse leaves*
Peter and I proceed to read the pamphlet on Endometrial Ablation - the procedure I have been so adamantly against.  Ugh.  It's still scary, but I'm realizing we're down to option "Y"... and EA -is- option "Y"... option "Z" is just saying "fuck it" and letting nature take its course.
*doctor walks in*
*no preamble or niceties*
"We're scheduling you for an ablation.  You're getting this done.  We have to get this anemia under control"
"okay"
*she sits, scribbles on the notes*
"I know how you feel about this.  I will be there with you - I'll be the last one you see before you go to sleep and the first one you see when you wake up.  I promise you, I will be the only one working on you.  I'll be right there with you through the whole thing."
"okay.  and I'll be completely out?"
"Yes.  General anesthesia.  Just like before."
"okay"
"Alright then, go up to the desk, get them to put you on the schedule and we'll get this taken care of."
"okay"
*she leaves, we go to the desk*
"How are you doing today?"
"uhm. apparently bad enough that I am going to have another surgery"
"Oh! ok. Well I'll have to talk to your insurance again - so I'll call you, if not today then tomorrow."
"okay"
"Y'all have a good day, now!"
*sigh* "okay"

The only redeeming factors are that instead of the scraping, freezing or burning that doctors used to do to perform EA, they now use what are alternately described as "sound waves" (by the brochure) and "electrical charges" (by the doctor) - so I don't have to be hung up on the whole "burning" thing... which is a big deal to me.  However, the result is the same - the lining and the inner layer of muscle of the uterus are destroyed - resulting in the uterus no longer having the ability to produce a lining - and therefore no more of the 363 days a year of well, bleeding.

What this means for me - first, another surgery - granted it is a quick and "minimally invasive" one. second, another period of recovery when I haven't yet recovered from the last surgery. third, because my condition is so severe, I will once again be drugged into oblivion. fourth, if by some chance this doesn't work - I am out of options.  This is it - all the eggs are in this one precarious basket.  If this doesn't work... I will slowly but surely bleed to death.

Yeah. I'm scared.